Thursday, March 09, 2006
A Grandmother’s Dream
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness...just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
Monday, March 06, 2006
Raising Boys
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke - lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
How To Beat The Flu
Since Flu season is here I thought that I would pass this on...
Eat Right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of Fruits and Veggies...
Take your Vitamins and bump up your Vitamin C...
Get plenty of Exercise because Exercise helps build our Immune System...
Walk for at least an hour a day...
Go for a Swim...
Take the Stairs instead of the Elevator...
Wash your Hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of that Antibacterial stuff around...
Get lots of Fresh Air, open the doors and windows whenever possible...
Try to Eliminate as much Stress from your Life as you can...
Get plenty of Rest...
Or, Take the Doctor's approach...
Think about it...
When you go for a Shot, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with Alcohol...
Why???
Because, Alcohol KILLS GERMS!!!
So...
I Walk to the Liquor Store... (Exercise)
I put Lime in my Corona... (Fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary... (Veggies)
Drink Outdoors on the Patio... (Fresh Air)
Tell Jokes and Laugh... (Eliminates Stress)
Then, Pass-Out... (Rest)
That's the way I see it!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Running Into An Old Classmate
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed the name on his DDS diploma. That name reminded me of a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with that same name that was in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a big crush on, way back then?
When I saw him, I knew this couldn't be the same person. He was a balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face; he was far too old to have been my classmate. "But wait," I thought. "Maybe that is him. Something looks familiar in that old face."
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Central High School.
"Why, yes I did," he answered. "I am a Tiger," he said with pride.
"When did you graduate," I asked.
"I was in the class of 1964," he said. "Why do you ask?"
Shocked, I answered, "You were in my class."
He looked at me very closely for a few seconds, then the wrinkled old goat asked me, "What did you teach?"
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